Sometimes
its hard to know what to write in this blog. What do you want to hear about?
What parts of my life do I want to share with you? What parts should I share
with you? Some people are really good at sharing and others find it more
difficult. Its hard to be vulnerable with so many people, so today I prayed and
asked God to use what I write for his glory. Hopefully the thoughts and prayers
of this white girl in Africa will be relatable to someone out there. God is so
cool. He never ceases to amaze me. Yet, he is always the same. It is us whose
eyes can only glimpse pieces of him at a time. His glory is so huge, so
indescribable, and so majestic. His beauty cannot be grasped by our minds and
hearts. I just want to share with you what has been happening in my little
corner of the world and what the Lord has been doing.
Have you
ever thought that the best things about you can also be the worst? The things
that make you strive after the Lord can also push you away from him? I have.
Independence and adventure are so ingrained into my being, that I really think they
are a part of who I am. That’s something I love about America, the dream that
you can do anything. I love being able to go after something until you get it
and that’s usually what I do. Its made me desire to know the Lord in my faith
and seek him on my own. Its given me opportunities to pursue ballet and
missions around the world. Its made me confident enough to pursue whatever the
Lord may have for me without a lot of fear. It also can produce this arrogant
mentality that I can do everything on my own. It can happen subconsciously, but
it can lead to less prayer and less asking God first. It can make you do things
to prove people wrong. You can set your mind on a dream and then realize God
has other plans. I’ve been battling this all year. What would be different in my life if I stopped doing the things I thought would be cool for the Lord and really obeyed what he says to do. Maybe nothing yet, but maybe a lot would change. If we were humble enough to die to our desires and dreams of what an awesome Christian is supposed to do and did whatever our King asked us to do, I think the world would be a different place. How do you die to yourself
and still embrace who God created you to be? How do I let God use my
independence for His glory and not let it keep me from him? I’ve realized it
comes with discipline. Not a punishment, but a strong desire to seek God before
spending time elsewhere. How much time do I spend in prayer and in the word? I
do think its good to talk to the Lord about struggles, but I also think it can
keep us from listening. God's voice is there if we just open our ears and listen. We have to listen not to what we want to hear, but be open to what He is actually saying. Usually if I just shut up, stop thinking about myself,
and start reading the Word, all things start to fall into place. His word is
living and active. It brings peace, joy, conviction, grace, love, and guidance.
I will never understand why its so much easier to pick up a phone than the Bible.
It cant become a ritual where you force yourself to spend an x amount of time
praying, reading, listening, etc. If I do that, I lose my desire to know God.
We have to accept the truth that we will continue to fail for the rest of our
lives. We are not, cannot, and will never be able to keep our wandering souls
to our Savior. BUT. How great is our God. He is called our Shepherd for a
reason. We are his, and he keeps us with him. Even in confusion, stress,
change, and happiness, he guides us through it all. God is always at work
planting, watering, watching, trimming, nourishing, etc. All we have to do is
hold out our open hands, surrendering and asking him to use us. He doesn’t
promise to make things clear to us on what he does and why, but he is good and faithful.
I would rather entrust my life and dreams to a God who is powerful, wise, and
loving instead of my small self trying to control things that are not mine to
control.
As you
have probably seen on facebook, I was so blessed to go on an incredible trip
for Spring break this year. I spent the week travelling to Zambia, Zimbabwe,
Botswana, and, Nimibia. Filling up passport pages is super excitingJ Visiting a wonder of
the world- Victoria Falls- was breathtaking. Yes, I’m about to make things
spiritual. It was another reminder of how glorious our Lord is to create
something like that. We got to walk through the falls over a bridge which was
like walking through a jungle. If you are ever in this corner of the world,
it’s a must see place. I was blown away and yet again reminded of how beautiful
Africa is. Victoria Falls is one of three places in the world where you can see
a lunar rainbow. It only happens the day before, the day of, and the day after
a full moon. Lunar rainbows are stunning. It was almost surreal seeing the
white rainbow reflection off the moon. We got to see the falls from both the
Zambia and the Zimbabwe side, which was definitely worth it. Hiking from top to
bottom was hard, but something I’ll never forget. After visiting the Falls, we took
a safari to see almost every single animal. I think I freaked out a little bit
when I saw the giraffes- they are my favorite animal. Chobe National Park has
up to 80,000 elephants so it was crazy to see so many. They were as common as
squirrels, only slightly bigger. We also got to ride elephants, walk with wild
lions, and play with orphaned cheetahs. I was in heaven. Lions, cheetahs,
elephants, giraffes, zebras, hippos, crocodiles, kudu, water buffalo, monkeys,
and more that I can’t remember right now. Usually, I don’t like sticking out
like a sore thumb and looking like a tourist. However, I was ok with it this
time if it meant I got to have epic pictures. Word of advice though, if you are
staying in hostels, make sure they have good reviews. We had a mixture of them
from so awful I couldn’t sleep to almost like a luxury hotel. It makes a
difference. Some hostels are absolutely disgusting…. I did get some great
stories though. On our way back, we spent the night in Lusaka- at another
terrible hostel. Luckily, we were only there for a few hours since our bus
boarded at 4:30 the next morning. Anyways, there was an actual shopping mall in
the city! It had clothing stores, coffee shops, restaurants, and…. A movie
theatre! Don’t get me wrong, I love Malawi, even without all those things. I do
however; think I forgot how nice it is to get a glimpse of home. It was weird
because I forgot about doing most of those things. We got to see Captain
America 2 in 3D while drinking chai lattes. It was epic. It was also a good
taste of America, before I fly home and probably freak out with reverse culture
shock. Another word of advice, if you like to be comfortable when you travel,
don’t bus across Africa. Its cheaper, which is worth it, but it is miserable.
You basically have to dehydrate yourself, because believe me they don’t care
about people who need to pee. The stops are few and far between and the seats
are made for tiny people. It could have been worse, but its definitely not the
comfy way of travelling. It did give lots of time to listen to music, read,
pray, and practice my failing Chichewa skills. All in all, the trip was amazing
and I will never forget it. 6 pages in my passport are full, so only 14 more to
go until I reach my goal of filling it!
As we go
into the beginning of the end of this year, I am starting to panic a bit. There
is so very much to do, and so little time. I know the next month will be
consumed with little girls, costumes, ballet choreography, music, rehearsals,
theatre, planning, lighting, staging, advertizing, and probably a million other
things I can’t think of right now. Besides that, it’s hard trying to plan this
summer as well as next year. Again I am reminded of how much we need the Lords
help even in daily life. I am sad that this year is coming to a close and many
of my little girls are moving away next year. It’s hard to know that even
coming back won’t be the same. So many things change. Isn’t that how it goes
though? Everything is always changing and nothing stays the same. Right before
break, some of our students performed for Easter. They did three dances to
hymns. Two of the pieces they created themselves. Sometimes I doubt that what
I’m doing here matters at all. I question if God is using me, what I need to do
differently, and what I need to do
better. I am so thankful that I got to see them create a piece of worship
through ballet. They used ballet to share with the people watching what the
Lord has done for us. That is why I came here, to use ballet to share the
gospel. Now, my girls are doing the same. They made me realize that God is
still working here. He is still using art to glorify his name. How wonderful
that we get to be a part of that! That’s why even in the harder days, when I’m
discouraged, I remind myself of what God has done. That’s why as hard as it
will be to say goodbye to them at the end of the year, I know HE loves them
even more than I do. He will use them wherever they go and won’t let them out
of HIS sight. I am so looking forward to our show Nyimbo:Hymns. It is the final
culmination of all that we have worked for this year. Without the Lord, its
just a bunch of time, dance steps, and music. We need him to come down and use
it to touch the audience. We need him to bring people- lots of people to this
night of worship. We know he is capable and we ask that you join us in praying
that this show will not be a wasted opportunity. Our desire is that God will
use this night in mighty ways to bring more people to Him. We need prayer for
logistics, organization, our kids, Carrie and I, financially, and the show
itself. All you prayer warriors, we need you. Thanks for your continued support
and prayers! God is listening. Oh, and I cannot wait to come visit you all this
summer! Its only 5 weeks until I fly home!
-Em
"God did not direct his call to Isaiah- Isaiah overheard God saying," ...who will go for us?" The call of God is not for a select few, but for everyone. Whether I hear God's call or not depends on the condition of my ears, and exactly what I hear depends upon my spiritual attitude."
- Oswald Chambers
