Quiet Me In Your Love…
Zephaniah 3:17
“The Lord your God is in your midst, The Mighty One, will
save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing.”
My mind races as I sit and try to write the blog that should
have been written months ago. As this is most likely my final update for
awhile, I have agonized over what to say and how to say it. How do you
summarize what God has done through all of you supporting me in Malawi and now
moving back to the States? I will attempt to at best share with you what it has been like to have so much life crammed into such a short time. My thanks could never
possibly explain how grateful I am for the constant prayers and encouragement of
so many of you through the past few years…
My last post ended while I was still in Malawi living my
dream of using dance to glorify the Lord in Africa. We were preparing for our
first full length story ballet that turned our small ballet program into a
school of 120 students. I have never felt prouder than when I watched the
curtain open on my girls who had worked so hard on this production. To see them
worship through dance and powerfully portray a story of gospel redemption through
genocide was more than I could have ever hoped for when I began teaching them. I
am excited to stay in touch with them and see how God works through them in the
future. God blew my mind by using them in such a way. It was a privilege to put
on this performance in a place that people of all religions and cultures could
come together to experience art and then ultimately to be exposed to the
gospel. I’ve never been so thankful as I was for the friends and students that
made “100 Days” possible. I didn't know how much I would fall in love with my kids over there and I will miss them terribly. They changed my whole world and gave me a new perspective. They showed me how to live for others and how rewarding it is to give your life to God. It was through this, that I realized my life in ballet was coming to completion and a new chapter of nursing would begin. Dance opened so many opportunities to glorify His name and I am excited to see how that can continue in other ways. The past two years were such a growing and learning experience. ABC Christian Academy, Flood Church, and many other
ministries were a huge part of my life and I would love for you to see how they
impacted me and what we were able to do with their support. I have attached the
video link to the ballet production below! (yay!) J
Leaving Malawi was one of the hardest things I have ever
done in my life. It was hard to go in the first place and it was hard to leave in the end. I think the only
explanation for this is that when you give God your heart and He leads you to
different places, a piece of you always stays there. You will never forget what
you have learned and where you have been. I hope to return to Malawi someday
and do another kind of ministry, but you never know for sure where God’s hand
will take you. I wouldn’t trade my time overseas for anything. It gave me so
much and I can only hope that I was able to give something back while I was there. I
know that travelling and ministry change you in ways that words seem to fail me. You will never be the same.
Not only has your world grown, but your understanding of God has grown too. The
miracles, provisions, and answers from God that you encounter will never let
you forget what a faithful God we serve. I pray that even when we do forget, we will
once again raise our “ebenezers” and praise the God who gives and takes away. I
cannot possibly describe the heartbreak that I felt leaving the best friends,
church, and job that I have ever had. The only way that it was bearable was
knowing that God was calling me elsewhere for now.
After flying away from my “home” in Lilongwe, I was able to
stop in Uganda to see my friends and the ministry that first made me fall in
love with the continent of Africa. Empower A Child is where my little sponsor
child Dave lives and I was able to visit him for the second time as well as
check in on all the other kids that that changed my life three years ago. I was
able to see the kids that my friends sponsor as well and it was amazing to be
able to connect with believers in yet another country. The stories of death,
witch craft, poverty, and orphans are similar to those of Malawi which is
actually the poorest country in the world. However, I think that there is much
spiritual attack on the county of Uganda through these things as well. I can’t
help but wonder if it is in response to how many ministries that God is working
through over there. One way that you can see how real the spiritual battle is
may be through a story. Kasujah, a boy that my friend sponsors, has grown up
in the village of Zirobwe. He lives in poverty, but because of sponsorship has
been able to attend school and church. His grandfather is a witch doctor and in many
countries, this is someone that the people fear. Despite this and other circumstances, Kasujah
has decided that he wants to be a pastor when he grows up and continues school
in hopes to learn more about Jesus and the Bible. All in all, being able to
catch up with friends years later who have similar callings to Africa and see
the kids that I love so dearly was a huge blessing. If you would like to find
out how to sponsor a child through this organization, I have attached the link
below.
Once again, I found myself on a plane flying away from a
place and people that I had grown to love. As someone who doesn’t think of
themself as emotional, this had been an interesting few weeks. I can’t
pretend that it wasn’t difficult to leave a place that I felt so strongly
called to, but I was without a doubt that God was calling me back home. One of my friends told me, “The safest place you can be is where God has you.” So, I
packed my life and everything I owned into two bags and a carry on and flew via
Qatar back to the United States. This was unknown to my family and with the
help of some friends, I successfully surprised them by getting home early. It was the most joyful
reunion and seeing their faces made me confident that I was back for a reason.
The summer would turn out to be busier than I had thought and two days later,
I moved to SpringHill to work with teenagers at a Christian camp all summer. I
loved the experience and really believe that it was the best transition into
America that I could have had. That being said, culture shock in reverse is
more difficult than without the reverse and repatriating is hard when you aren’t
the same person that you used to be. Don’t get me wrong, I love America and
there were many things (pumpkin spice lattes) ;) that I missed, but I had seen
pros and cons to many different cultures. These differences made me more aware
of the changes around me as well as those within me. I could tell from the
start that this adjustment would take time and a whole lot of grace.
It seemed that the business would continue when I flew off
to California to visit friends from Malawi and see two of my favorite people in
the world tie the knot. It was wonderful to see them and made me realize even
more how much I would miss. I had to remind myself over and over that God would
provide and come through even in new situations and places. When I got back to Indiana, I quickly threw myself
into as many jobs as possible which I am beginning to see as a habit. I started
some healthcare certification classes, working full time, and got
signed up to start nursing school in January. What I thought would be a
peaceful semester of adjusting has become full of THINGS. Things that keep my focus too often off of the Lord. It seems there isn’t
always time to breathe and that I have still yet to process what the last few
months have held. Usually, I write about things that I have already learned. I
write what God has taught me and how I am doing better at those things now…
Usually, I allow vulnerability to things in the past alone. I don’t think that
is how it should be though. How can we really be honest if we never talk
about the here and now? The truth is that life is hard sometimes and that’s coming
from someone who has had it pretty easy so far. Its hard to jump back into
friend groups after years away. Its hard to become a part of your family when
you all have changed. Its hard to be able to spend enough time with each of your family members and reconnect with them. Its hard to allow time for Jesus and yourself when you
want to stay busy. Its hard to say no to things and prioritize life. Its hard to know
what in the world God is doing and why in the world He won’t just tell you the
plan. Its hard to live in the crazy, fast paced culture of America. Its hard to
be in a new place where you don’t have community. BUT, God Didn’t promise that it Wouldn’t be hard. He Did promise peace though. That’s why I cry out
Zephaniah 3:17 and ask Him to quiet me In His love In the storm. I ask that He will still my restlessness in this new season and create in me peace that isn't based on surroundings.
I don’t yet know what the future holds. I feel called to the
medical field, ministry, and Africa. I don’t know how it will all play out. I
do know that God will clear it up in His time. I also know that my mission
field for now is Bloomington, Indiana. My “mission field” is spending time with
my family and doing ministry with them. It’s a good reminder that we aren’t all
always missionaries overseas, but we are all always missionaries where we are.
In our jobs, in our backyards, in our churches, in our lives, we must be bold
enough to share the gospel to a world that is falling from Him. I want to fight
the complacency that seems so prevalent today. I want to be aware of the
spiritual world at all times and in tune with the Spirit. We must be willing to
sacrifice our comfort zones to share what desperately needs to be told. I found
out the other day that my home state has the highest rate of teens considering
suicide. This hopelessness is due to not knowing Christ. This is our job to
change. Not that we can change hearts, but we can be the mouth of Christ if we
submit to Him using us for His kingdom. And that brings it all back to where it
belongs. Us on our knees asking Him to make us more like Christ. Asking Him to mold us, change us, use us, break
us, grow us, and quiet us. Quiet us in his love enough for us to hear his voice
amidst the crazy storm of life.
Good bye for now,
em
"My heart beating, my soul breathing,
I found my life when I laid it down.
Upward falling, spirit soaring,
I touch the sky when my knees hit the ground."
