enough

When I was 5, I decided to be a vegetarian. Everyone told me I going through a phase and it wouldn't last. I didn't eat a piece of meat again until I was 18. When I was 7, I decided I wanted to dance with a ballet company and spent the next 10 years making that happen no matter what people told me. I guess I don't like it when people say you have to do things a certain way. My life hasn't been conventional. I haven't yet gone to college. I've lived overseas and traveled around the world. I like doing weird things that are different. Maybe that's why I have blue hair and live in Malawi. I don't like fitting molds. I don't like rules and expectations. I don't think it's fair for people to tell others what they need to do or how to do it. Maybe that's why I've spent my life as an artist. Obviously we can learn from each other, but the constant pressure to fit in with a certain crowd is impossible to keep up with. One of the best things that happened when I actually decided to follow Christ was the freedom from those expectations that people set. I wanted to break free from the impossible standards that I saw all around me. I soon realized however that I was wrong. Not that I wasn't free, but that Christians have created this world of expectations just like every other religion or group of people.
I think it's a problem when we care more about the rules than the people the rules were made for.

 People say that you can only hang out with certain people and do certain things. Today's Christianity says you have to be cool and relatable. You have to be a TOMS wearing, coffee drinking, short term mission trip going, Jesus tattoo covered Christian. You have to do lots of Bible studies and have theological talks about your two week experience overseas and how Jesus wants a relationship not a religion. I love TOMS, but why is that needed to love Jesus? You have to be in the world enough to be a witness, but out of the world enough to not be judged by fellow Christians. You have to do cool service projects and be involved with a cool church and document it all on social media. You have to read a new version of the Bible and know the "in" worship music. It's a tough life when we fill it with all these expectations and rules. Now don't get me wrong. Rules are there for a reason, and they are usually to protect us. When we truly love God then we should want to follow him and rules he gives. I just don't see where Jesus went around with a list of how everyone had to be. I think we focus so much on rules and guidelines that we forget about the cross. I think we are so consumed with our image and reputation that we forget about Jesus. We get so fixated on the cool Jesus stuff that we forget about the Jesus part. Even people who don't think God is important fill up on their own version of rules and expectations to fit into their group. We all want to be full of something.
Life gets so full that it's empty.

 What happens when life gets real and instead of being full of Jesus, we are full of this other stuff? Are we satisfied with Jesus alone, or do we need our books, music, friends, and Christian image to keep us going? Is Jesus actually enough for us? Is he alone enough to keep us fulfilled completely and overflowing with joy despite circumstances? What if we didn't have any of these other Christian resources? Many places in the world don't have the ability to flaunt Hebrew verses on their wrists or post selfies doing mission work. What if we couldn't? I say this as someone who has Jesus tats and posts pictures of my life in Africa all the time. I'm not saying it's wrong, I'm just wondering if I would be as radical if I couldn't do these things. Would we still have our lives surrendered to Christ? Would we live as radically if we had to share about him in secret? This Christian mold we have made doesn't save and it doesn't satisfy. There's nothing wrong with it unless the mold takes the place of Jesus.
I want to live like Jesus and Jesus didn't fit the mold.

Jesus didn't hang out with the "in" Christian crowd of his time. In fact he didn't really fit the expectations or mold of any crowd or group. He led a group of misfits. They were weird. They were average. They were ordinary- just like most of us. He didn't spend his life trying to impress anyone. He did spend his life on the mission field, but he wasn't in a bubble. He ate and hung out with tax collectors and prostitutes. He was so full of God that he was set apart, but he didn't set himself apart from the rest of the world. He lived in it and became friends with sinners like me so that he could share with them how awesome God is and they might listen because he actually loved them. I'm so thankful for that. I want to love on everyone despite different views. I want Jesus alone to unite us and not all the other things we use to fill up our lives with. It shouldn't matter what group or crowd people are with because we are all looking for the same thing.
We are all looking for fulfillment in something whether or not we know Jesus. 

 We were all created by and for God. Therefore, we all yearn for him. Some find him, but some don't. We still seek to fill that need to be satisfied. Some people find satisfaction in drugs or alcohol or sex. Some find fulfillment in their job or a relationship or traveling or shopping. We all fill up on something and it may not even be bad. I like to fill my life with traveling and experiences. Those can't be the only thing though. There are times when I can't do those things and I'll either be empty or I'll push into Jesus. The problem is those are all temporary fulfillments. The real, true, purpose giving contentment only comes from Christ. My question is if we truly found that in Jesus alone would we be different? I think we would be so free. We wouldn't be dependent on anyone for approval and the expectations would disappear. Our God won't be disappointed in our missteps because he created us and understands our shortcomings. His expectation of us is that if we love him, we will surrender to him, pursue him, and follow him. His expectation of us is not to be perfect, but to strive after him with our heart, soul, and mind. He died and rose so that we can depend on his perfection for grace and not our own.
Grace is free not cheap. 

 As I prepare to leave my home in Malawi and head home, life is getting real. Real hard that is. I fell into some emotions and I'm not quite sure how to handle it all. However, Jesus has filled me with joy and peace that are unexplainable. None of the other things I fill my life with can do what he can. I'm so thankful that I can live so freely and joyfully even through difficult things like leaving my home here. It sucks. It's hard to leave what you love. BUT. God is good. God is so freaking awesome. When I think about all the things he has saved me from, I can't help but have complete confidence that he is in control. Even when I'm overwhelmed with stress, sadness, excitement, fear and more, he is constant. I want to focus on him. I want to focus on the simplicity of the gospel and share that with others. I don't want to be concerned with all the other stuff that gets in the way and consumes my mind. I just want to follow Jesus and see him rescue others. How can I be real enough and normal enough to reach the unreached. What do I need to do to be more like Jesus instead of the image we have created for ourselves.
How can I share with others just how complete Jesus makes you? What can I do to stay consistently satisfied in abiding in HIM?